This week’s big news!!! from Craig Coman
Well actually it was last week. We had a little girl and the birth was amazing for a number of reasons.
We are in a culture of fear with birth and that is such a shame because fear is the opposite to love and that is what a baby should be born into. We have taken one of nature’s most special moments and turned it into a medical emergency. I suppose some people feel needed and important in the process but at what cost? Midwives were banned in America 100 years ago and that was when our medical practices changed to needing “proof”. The proof I have is that birth is the most amazing and naturally empowering event that a woman can go through and it is a shame we have taken that away from them with fear. I probably even sound like an eco warrior or alternative hippie to suggest the fact that birth can be amazing.
We had our little girl at home and my wife had always wanted a normal birth. By that she meant no intervention, no forceps, no epidurals, no vonteuse, no nothing! She believed in herself and her body to be able to do something that women are designed to do. The environment did not seem right for her with people in the room who she did not know – in a position of vulnerability at a time of most fear for a woman. Our little boy took 54 hours to come last time and that was her fourth birth. This time we discussed it, got support from like minded individuals and communicated on a much deeper level. We were very clear that creating the environment was the key so we went to work on creating what my wife knew would work for her. She had clarity this time that was a joy to watch and she knew exactly what she wanted. At the last birth Craig was in ‘boy mode’ of doing things to try and “help” and ironically I realise I did the opposite. The opposite of fear is confidence and once my wife had that then all she needed was to support that with the environment. It is fine to have confidence in yourself but if people in the room do not also have that confidence then they start to undermine your confidence and ability with their “stuff”.
My wife went to work on me first with a clarity and conviction of supporting me so I could really be a support to her rather than a hindrance. You can try and help with the best intentions but often you come from your own viewpoint which is not the same as the person you are trying to support. The best question I asked my wife was “what exactly do you want?”
So when you speak to your support team, whatever the situation, try to get clear exactly what you want. That can take some time. It took my wife four births before she was totally clear even though she knew from day one. Having the confidence to ask is so important.